If you’re a physical education teacher, coach, teacher, or parent who has ever had to divide kids into teams for a game, you know there are inevitably going to be a couple of kids who proclaim, “These teams aren’t fair!”
Whether it’s kickball, soccer, football, debate, a birthday party, PE class, or a youth soccer scrimmage, no matter the setting, you’ll eventually hear it:
“THESE TEAMS AREN’T FAIR!”
Here’s a classic example from a recent PE class after I divided students into teams for a game of Capture the Flag.
I lined the two classes up side by side and started sending students to opposite sides of the playing field, alternating two to the left and two to the right. Occasionally, I would change the pattern to prevent students from moving around in line to ensure they ended up on their preferred side. Almost immediately, I began hearing grumblings about the teams. I ignored the complaints, and the students began to play.
Within the first 7–10 minutes, one team was dominating the game, winning four rounds in a row.
You guessed it.
Several boys and a few girls began demanding new teams.
“They have all the best players!”
“They have more boys than us!”
“They have all the fastest runners!”
It was time to bring everyone together to process what had just happened. It would give the students a much-needed physical and emotional breather while allowing us to address some of the concerns. Once everyone was gathered, I asked if anyone had a concern they would like to share.
Several hands shot up like popcorn popping in a hot pan.
I called on Miles.
Miles: “These teams aren’t fair. It’s impossible to stop them because they have all the best players.”
Me: “Of all the hands raised, how many of you feel the same way?”
As expected, the majority of the class shared Miles’ frustration.
Me: “Let me ask you something. What message are you sending your teammates when you declare that the teams are unfair because they have all the best players?”
Mary: “Our teammates’ feelings might get hurt because you’re saying that we don’t have any good players.”
Me: “That’s a possibility. Has anyone ever felt that way, here or on another team?”
There was a collective:
“Yes.”
I paused for a moment.
Then I asked them to consider a different question.
“Instead of immediately questioning whether the teams are fair, ask yourself this: What can I do to make my team stronger? How can I help my team?”
The hands went up again.
This time, the answers were different.
Here are a few of their responses:
- I can help develop or change our strategy.
- I can stay positive and play for fun.
- I can encourage my teammates.
- I can communicate more.
- I can work harder.
- I can help my teammates improve.
- I can focus on what I can control.
- I can be a better teammate.
That conversation lasted only a few minutes, but I hope the lesson lasts much longer. I hope with continued reminders and reinforcement, their mindset will begin to shift from “These teams aren’t fair” to “What can I do to make my team better?”
Teams aren’t always going to feel fair.
Sometimes one team will have more experienced players. Sometimes one team will be faster. Sometimes one team will win four games in a row.
And sometimes, despite our best efforts, the teams really might be uneven.
But there is something every player can control.
How they respond.
Instead of looking across the field and asking, “Why does their team have all the good players?”
Ask yourself:
“What can I do to make my team better?”
That question shifts the focus from complaining to contributing. From blaming to problem-solving. From worrying about what your teammates can or can’t do to thinking about what you can do to help.
And isn’t that what being a good teammate is all about?
